FILE - In this Oct. 26, 2009 file photo, Paula Deen applauds at the Women's Conference 2009 Night in Long Beach, Calif. The Food Network celebrity chef was helping donate 25,000 pounds of meat to an Atlanta food bank on Monday, Nov. 24, 2009 when someone threw a ham which accidentally hit her in the head. (AP Photo/Katy Winn, File)

There's no way I'm first to hit you with this news:

Swine Flew:
Paula Deen Smacked by Errant Ham

But it's begging to be blogged about anyway. It seems that yesterday a fellow volunteer for an Atlanta food bank confused a piece of pig with the pigskin, and clocked the Food Star right in the face.

Since she was not hurt and has a sense of humor about the whole thing, I feel free to snort and giggle about the comedic possibilities. But it would be a shame if the important part of the story got lost in punny headlines: That flying pig was for charity.

Perhaps Deen can redirect the focus best herself.. From @Paula_Deen on Twitter shortly after the incident:

"I haven't met the ham that could stop me yet! Y'all it's just the best feeling to help others" "Y'all are so sweet, yes, I'm fine. Now get out there and give till it hurts (maybe not ham to the face hurts)" Both tweets point followers to http://feedingamerica.org

That's the spirit, Paula! She's the kind of woman who'll be stopped from being charitable when pigs fly!

Wait a minute.

This brings to light a whole different problem. What does someone whose colorful manner of speaking is known as well as her cooking say to describe the impossible once she's been hit in the face with flying pig parts?

Because I'm charitable with my time, I did a little research. Turns out, the idiom "When pigs fly" is used in English and German, but the same sentiment is expressed in different ways all over the world. Lots of cultures use, "when cows fly," but I suppose it's just as plausible for Paula to get hit with some carelessly chucked ground beef. No, she needs something less risky. So I draw your attention to some interesting variations I think will work going forward for Ms. Deen.

• In the Portuguese language, the impossible will happen "when snakes smoke"
• The French are not waiting for the day "when chickens have teeth."
• Russians know not to count on ever seeing "when the crawfish whistles on the mountain" 
• And the Swedes don't expect "two Thursdays in the same week."

This could be a fun game, making new expressions for things that are impossible... if only we weren't so busy with the holidays. I'll try not to get too busy to remember Paula's message of charity — Because her spirit of giving won't be stopped by a flying pig until snakes smoke — a day I hope to never, EVER see.


Follow Up:
After I posted this, I came across another account of Deen's ham entanglement that made me laugh out loud. It's on an Atlanta blog I like to read, so I thought I'd share it with you too.

Paula Deen Hit in the Face with a Butt
by Terri Evans on Like The Dew.