One Small Misstep For Woman, One Grand Jeté for Mankind
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| Photo: Only Alice |
But it would be dishonest of me to present myself as some sort of expert on the topic. In fact, I'm decidedly unqualified to speak on matters of the moon. Because I only learned recently: There's no such thing as magic boots.
What?
See, what happened was this...
Rufus and I were sitting in our neighborhood diner having breakfast one morning, and he was describing a previous night's dream. An absolute nightmare he was still crunching on — one of those terror-filled scenarios that makes you gasp awake from a dead sleep.
"I dreamed that Venus imploded," he explained, then he waited for my chest-clutching response.
I blinked a few times. And took a bite of my eggs.
"It imploded!" he repeated, thinking maybe I hadn't understood.
"And?" I finally said, slowly, so he would understand me too.
Well, it turns out that a cosmic event of this magnitude would totally eff-up the Moon's gravitational field. And that's where the subject got changed.
"There's no gravity on the moon," I said. Confident. I don't read physics for fun like Rufus, but seriously — there are some things that I just know.
He blinked a few times. And took a bite of his eggs.
"You're kidding, right?" he finally responded. As if he were giving me the benefit of some doubt. But hey, I've been to the Smithsonian and seen movies on Neil Armstrong in school. He was up there bouncing around like a ballerina — Like that giant leap was a grand jeté. There just couldn't be any gravity on the moon.
To Rufus, I might as well have defiantly argued that Louie Armstrong had flown on Apollo 11. Because he claimed that everyone knows, or should know, that the moon has gravity.
The look on his face told me his head was imploding like the Venus of his dream as he contemplated the gravity of this discussion. He was thinking: If my girlfriend doesn't know this basic, fundamental thing, she might be one of those embarrassing people who'd step in front of a camera and tell a man-on-the-street pollster that "Canada is a beautiful state" or "Africa is an enormous country."
"Tell me this," he said, in an effort to change my mind. "If there's no gravity on the moon, then how did Neil Armstrong walk on it?"
I set my fork down to think for a minute. This was nothing I'd ever asked myself before. And it was dawning on me that it was nothing I'd ever asked anyone else either, like a teacher or an encyclopedia. The truth was that I just saw some video footage and made an assumption. Then spent the rest of my life drawing God knows what other conclusions built upon something I thought was fact.
Tears started to well in my eyes from trying to hold back laughter once I realized my honest, incredibly air-headed answer. But since the question had been asked, I had to confess. I bit my lip and told the unbearable truth: "I figured he wore magic boots."
What can I say? Neil Armstrong was one sharp-dressed space man. Remember that the journey toward his famous giant leap was 40 years ago today.
Posted by TheWordWire at 7/16/2009 10:48 AM 
Categories: Slice of Life,Earth and Sky
Tags: Apollo 11 Moonwalk Neil Armstrong magic boots Venus Gravity
Categories: Slice of Life,Earth and Sky
Tags: Apollo 11 Moonwalk Neil Armstrong magic boots Venus Gravity
I read your story. I find it mildly amusing. I discovered it by serendipity when I googled "moonwalking." Surprisingly, your column had nothing to do with Michael Jackson, but I was engaged anyway.
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Yes, I noticed this morning that a Google news search for "moonwalk" returned more than twice the number of Michael Jackson related articles than anything referencing Neil Armstrong. And that's just what was on the news wire today. Thanks for sticking around anyway. Do come again.
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LMAO! "Gravity: not just a good idea, it's the law!"
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I'm not sure how we got from Venus to the Moon in that conversation. However, I feel compelled to point out that per Einstein's theory of General Relativity, gravity is effect of mass. Therefore, all the planets could implode and unless the Moon suddenly got much larger (or smaller,) its gravity would remain the same.
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I now feel compelled to point out that I meant to say it would eff up the moon's gravitational field... or something. Thank you for clarifying. 99% of TheWordWire readers were thinking the same thing... or something.
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