TheWordWire.com: The Neck, Honey. The Neck Never Lies

The Neck, Honey. The Neck Never Lies


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For women, youth is like a super power. It gives her super strength, stamina, and agility — Qualities she spends almost no time contemplating.

Her energy is focused on the accessories. You know, the magic lasso and bullet proof bracelets. These are the things she instinctively understands are temporary. She knows their effectiveness will weaken with age.

Once when I was in my mid-twenties, I was waiting for a friend in a downtown San Diego bar. It was early, so the crowd was thin and of the after work happy hour variety. That skews a little older, which at the time, was fine by me. Hey, that left little competition for attention, should I have chosen to attract any. The important part was that I knew it was completely within my control. You see, I had my magic lasso for making friends. And my bracelets for deflecting creeps.

As it turns out, I did make a friend — A man wearing a pink-lined suit.

He wasin his 30's, which in my mind made him old. Additionally, this wassafe territory for passing the time because he was fun, fabulous, and unquestionably gay.

Oh, we had a grand time debating which waiter was cutest, and giving out imaginary awards for "nicest smile" and "best dressed."

Finally he asked me:

"So how old are you, anyway? 30?"

"Thirty!?" I laughed. It was more of a get-out-of-here scoff.

Looking back, I don't know how I would know this unless I regularly encouraged discussion of my appearance, and there's nothing more insufferable than that. But never the less, I was somehow aware of what people thought, so I told him: "Most people say I look nineteen."

"Oh no, honey," he said with a dramatic wrist flick and a roll of the eyes. "You're way too wrinkled up to be nineteen."

After a few beats of stunned silence, he explained.

"The neck, honey. The neck never lies."

Some women invest in lots of creams and face paints and brushes when time starts to steal their youthful powers. But I submit that the happiest among us trade their lasso for a more useful superpower called wisdom. Wisdom and humility are incredibly attractive to anyone you could possibly hope to attract. Besides, there's a certain freedom in being as honest in life as that telltale skin on your neck.

Because you know there's no hiding it, honey. The neck never lies.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go paint my face...