Two Blue Ball, Pennsylvanias and Other Places to Get a Newspaper
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| Photo: Inju |
I've already admitted my weakness for the printed news; particularly irresistible to me are small town tabloids...
I'd Like a Beaver Press, Please
Front page news in small town papers is almost never bad or scandalous. In fact, often the smaller the town, the more precious the headlines. They seem to always feature a resident for doing something noteworthy — like having a birthday or redecorating the house.
So for today's "travel" column I made another list. Places I'd like to collect a newspaper from before they fold. Unfortunately, it may be too late — I couldn't find any publication names that capture life in these neat-sounding places. They're probably covered in wider regional papers, which just loses the whole essence of the town crier. Instead of finding who really reports it, I made some Mast Head suggestions myself...
Places To Get a Newspaper Before the Industry Folds Real Towns. Imagined Stories. Alpha by State | |
YEEHAW JUNCTION, FL POP: 28,200 Sure, I'm willing to quote Wikipedia as gospel on this one: The original name of this town was Jackass Junction. I'm so glad that the Florida Legislature felt that a name change was due. | |
 | Yeehaw Junction Dispatch "Yeehaw Junction Chamber of Commerce Presents Annual Banjo Pickin' Contest." Photo: gadgetgirl fictitious newspaper and headline |
GAS, KS POP: 532 If I were to pass Gas in Kansas, I'd just have to stop and get a souvenir paper. I'd probably even stop by the library to see if they had a copy of Benjamin Franklin's notorious essay, "Fart Proudly." That's non-fiction, y'all. My fictitious headline below: | |
 | Gas Courier "Local Real Estate Market Healthy, Town Name Only Toxic Asset" Photo: Rastafabi fictitious newspaper and headline |
| MUD LICK, KY POP: ?? It doesn't make a Mud Lick of sense to me why I can't find more useful information about what surely is a charming rural Kentucky town. It's on the map, for Heaven's sake. At the intersection of Cordell Hull Highway and Mud Lick Flippin Road. | |
 | Mud Lick Tableau "Mud Lick YMCA to Offer Wrasslin' Classes in Fall" Photo: DWinton fictitious newspaper and headline |
HELL, MI POP: 266 If you ever go to Hell, pick me up a newspaper, would ya? I'm sort of comforted by the fact that the number of volunteers to have an address in Hell is under 300. According to legend, it got its name in 1841 when the state of Michigan asked the town founder for a name. "Call it Hell for all I care!" The name stuck. | |
 | Hell Review "Citizens Urged to Seek Shelter During Expected Blizzard Conditions in Hell" Photo: Random Factor fictitious newspaper and headline |
| WEED, NM POP: 20 Weed, NM is not too far from Truth or Consequences, NM, so I suppose it's not a lie that the little mountain town was named after a man named Weed. If it were called Waterpipe or something like that, I'd be less inclined to believe that explanation. | |
 | Weed Chronicle "Area Teen Raises $200 at School Bake Sale with Award-Winning Brownie Recipe" Photo: olya fictitious newspaper and headline |
BOWLEGS, OK POP: 361 I think Bowlegs is funny. As a town name, not a condition, of course. | |
 | Bowlegs Union "First Assembly Church of Bowlegs Urges Girls to Keep Their Knees Together." Photo: JHawk |
BORING, OR Pop: 12,851 Boring, Oregon is a suburb of Portland, so I doubt it lives up to its name. Still it's fun to make fun of. | |
 | Boring Messenger "Boring Mayor Speaks About Sarbanes Oxley Compliance at Tuesday's Boring Town Council Meeting" Photo: Will Pate fictitious newspaper and headline |
BLUE BALL, PA I asked Hometown Locator to give me information on Blue Ball, PA, and it asked me which one. There are two Blue Ball, Pennsylvanias, of course. Approximately 170 miles apart. | |
 | Blue Ball Crier "Blue Ball High School Football Team Denied Final Score in Annual Match-Up Against Neighboring Jugtown, PA" Photo: LivinginMonrovia fictitious newspaper and headline |
HUMPTULIPS, WA POP: 229 Just one question: Why has there never been a contestant from Humptulips on America's Got Talent? | |
 | Humptulips Enterprise "Area Man Wins Organic Gardening Award" Photo: POWI fictitious newspaper and headline |
Posted by TheWordWire at 7/5/2009 2:52 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Newspaper Mud Lick KY Yeehaw Junction Bowlegs Gas Kan Humptulips Blue Ball
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Newspaper Mud Lick KY Yeehaw Junction Bowlegs Gas Kan Humptulips Blue Ball
Ha! Award winning brownies! Where's mine??
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"Bowlegs, OK" sounds like the start of a sentence that needs to be completed. "Bowlegs, OK if you ride horses."
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So, I just found another town for your list. It's called Hicksville. I don't know where it is, but the IKEA there does not honor the free breakfast coupon that I got in the mail today.
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Thank you for keeping your eyes peeled. I looked it up: Hicksville, NY is on Long Island, so it's decidedly not rural. Also, in case you're ever on Jeopardy, it is the home town of Billy Joel. I'm sure he's made a headline or two!
Keep 'em coming.
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