How to Tell If You're a Cougar

     
Photo: FlirtyGirlTees  
If you're on Facebook, then you're familiar with the status update feature — an opportunity to share your thoughts, activities or seek advice from the captive audience of your friend list.

The other day, a woman I went to high school with asked for someone... anyone... to inform her... hello? ... Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Am I a cougar? 


Facebook Friend is wondering if I'm a cougar?
 
I wasn't particularly intimate with this person 20 years ago, so I was reluctant to engage in a public discussion about her sex life. But a few people bit... 

"Depends on how old the guy is," one friend offered.
"LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!" said another. 

Apparently this feedback wasn't very helpful. The next day she refreshed her status to open a new discussion.


  Facebook Friend is wondering if I'm a cougar?
No particular guy, just a pattern, age range is 21-30.

Clearly this is an important topic, and some no-nonsense guidance is needed. I wanted to help, but it occurred to me that I did not know. I would never want to embarrass this person. After all, she can't be the only woman wondering. That's why I spent some time thinking about it, and made a list here. Just doing my part... 


 Ten Ways To Tell If You're a Cougar

1. Your "little black dress" is leopard print. 

2. You amend the "Boy Toy" tattoo on your bosom to also say, "On the Hunt Since 1965" because your boobs are finally long enough to accommodate a tagline with your branding message. 

3. You bum-rush the stage or dance floor when you hear the words "Let'z do it," because you can name Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" tune before the first note of music, and — here's the important part — need everyone's attention while you gyrate to it. 

4. You have fat from your butt injected into your lips and you still need a girdle. 

5. You get waiters' attention by telling them, "come ov-ah here, young man." 

6. The only song on your iPod is "Mrs. Robinson" by the Lemmonheads — Your boyfriends have never heard of Simon and Garfunkel.

7. You post things like "Demi Moore look-a-like seeking her Ashton Kutcher" on craigslist. 

8. You have a bumper sticker that says, "save the drama for your other Mama." 

9. You have a social networking profile on UrbanCougar.com.

10. This list makes you laugh and cry. Or not. 


But that's just my list, which could be misinformed — I'm sure it could go on. If you think of any qualifiers that might help my facebook friend and others determine her cougar status, hey, go ahead and let me know.





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Posted by TheWordWire at 6/22/2009 8:15 AM
Categories: Life Skills
Tags: facebook Cougar Mrs. Robinson Demi Moore Tone Loc Ashton Kutcher
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