I'll Take a #2, Please... To Go
As a species, we humans are civilized and decent. That's why we wear clothes and brush our hair. We have sophisticated ideas and the means to communicate them, which has led to inventions that make us increasingly refined. Like indoor plumbing. We have the training to use it. And more tellingly, the social skills to share. Oh yes. There's just so much evidence of our intelligence, there can't be any doubt: In the kingdom of living things, we humans occupy the throne.
Now, important information comes from all over the place, but the most timely and critical communication seems to get posted in these public, yet intimately private, spaces that we share. Sometimes there are warnings or special instructions. House rules of which we must be made aware...
My friend Lula is a highly evolved creature, so she knows how to interpret these kinds of signs. She once encountered an important notice in a restaurant's restroom while visiting Alabama. It was hand-lettered and signed by management. Not a suggestion, but a ruling — this sign did not ask for cooperation with the word "please." Written in all caps and then underlined, the proprietor instructed:
"NO MORE #2's UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE"
Naturally, Lula complied, and then returned to the table to notify her brother. They discussed whether or not they wanted to dine in a place that would impose such totalitarian conditions. They were curious how long they'd have to wait to receive said further notice. And more intrigued, as you might imagine, to know how it would be delivered.
Would a fat guy come out of the kitchen wiping his hands on an apron to announce that the sh*tter's fixed? Or maybe the hostess was busy working on little advertisements to place at each individual table.
Their discussion was interrupted by the waitress who came to take their order.
"Oh, let's see..." Lula said. She'd been too busy talking to look at the menu. "I guess I'll take a #2, please... And I'll need you to wrap that up to go."
Now, important information comes from all over the place, but the most timely and critical communication seems to get posted in these public, yet intimately private, spaces that we share. Sometimes there are warnings or special instructions. House rules of which we must be made aware...
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| Photo Credits (Top-Bottom) Swim Boy, Andrew Bain, Brett Lider, Piblet, Doctor OW, Monnot, Running Like an Antelope, Goldberg |
My friend Lula is a highly evolved creature, so she knows how to interpret these kinds of signs. She once encountered an important notice in a restaurant's restroom while visiting Alabama. It was hand-lettered and signed by management. Not a suggestion, but a ruling — this sign did not ask for cooperation with the word "please." Written in all caps and then underlined, the proprietor instructed:
"NO MORE #2's UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE"
Naturally, Lula complied, and then returned to the table to notify her brother. They discussed whether or not they wanted to dine in a place that would impose such totalitarian conditions. They were curious how long they'd have to wait to receive said further notice. And more intrigued, as you might imagine, to know how it would be delivered.
Would a fat guy come out of the kitchen wiping his hands on an apron to announce that the sh*tter's fixed? Or maybe the hostess was busy working on little advertisements to place at each individual table.
Their discussion was interrupted by the waitress who came to take their order.
"Oh, let's see..." Lula said. She'd been too busy talking to look at the menu. "I guess I'll take a #2, please... And I'll need you to wrap that up to go."
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I have to send this one to my bro. He'll love it. I'll get an update from him on whether the sign is still up.
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Awesome. If they're still trying to figure out how to to tell everybody, I'd be glad to make the announcement on the world wide web. Just let me know when they're ready.
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Maybe they could do a radio ad. "The Sh!tter's fixed!" would make a great jingle.
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Do not handle firearm in restroom... awesome. That's a nice way to put it.
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